To treat others the way you want them to treat you

My new life

2011-09-27T21:29:00.007+08:00

Wow.. Indeed, its very long since I last blog about a year ago. During these period of time many things do happen. Things got worsen between me and my husband even after my baby was born it turned even sour. Until my tolerance level is up, I had decided to leave him with my baby. Chances are given to him one after another but he seems no signs of changing at all. Keeps dragging my time to get things settled so I decided to make up my mind and take the first step. From the start till marriage even till two weeks before my baby was born, he has never said to me before that he loves me and he wants me but instead he keeps grumbling to me non stop that he cant get the freedom he wants and also he cant drink too. But I was wrong. I used to think that he really loved me even though he never say it to me but I realize it he doesn't love me at all and also not truly want me. All he wants was just to make used of me. I know it by viewing it at his phone when he is back dead drunk one day when he message a girl named Lindi aka Elbee Khor. He messaged her lots of sweet words that he never ever message me and also bring her to lots of place whereby the both of them hang out from day to till late night. Apparently, I know he does a lot of things behind my back without me knowing or my consent and also break my heart too. I know that love cant be forced and I also never forced him. I thought that no matter what happen between us he will still did his part as a dad but eventually he failed me again. Until den I realize be it with or without him in my life its no longer important anymore. Cos what matter to me most is my son as he will always be my top priority. Once there is a person asked me this: Think twice before rushing into decision. Don't regret it by harsh decision. I replied: I had think it more den twice and it is also not a harsh decision so I will not regret it. That person asked me back again: Do you still loved him? I replied: Its not a matter of whether do I still loved him or not. Den asked me again: How about your son? You want him to be a fatherless despite having one? I replied: With or without him, I will still be able to raise my son up myself. Den asked me again: Why let things be hard on yourself? You don't deserved to be treated like this. I replied: I don't find it hard at all cos he is my son. And I don't deserved to be treated like what? Den asked me again: You really don't want to give him anymore chances? I replied: Things will turn out to be like this is no longer beyond my limits. I am really very tired of all this. All I want was a very small simple request yet he cant even lift up to it. If he really have the heart to change, he will. But if he doesn't, no matter how many chance I gave him it will still turns out to be failed. Maybe one day he will really change but I can be very sure it will definitely not be me that he change for instead is someone whom he really wants, loved and dote the most. Last but not least asked me again: Dont you hate him for what he do to you? I replied: Hate? Why should I hate him instead I want to thank him for giving me a son cos he brings joy to me and my family. Brightens up my day and also fill my life to the fullest. I have long forgiven him for what he had done to me and also wish him all the best. Forgive and forget is the choice for me. Everyone all have a choice it depends on how you choose and how you want it to be. May god bless me. Nights and sweet dreams peeps. :)

Finally my baby is out le!! HURRAY!!!!

2010-09-18T16:31:00.000+08:00

Finally, after a long wait my baby is out now!!! He is so cute and adorable!!! Just love him to the max and also very dote on him too. Well, he is my one and only son ma so no choice have to dote on him. Looks like when I am baby that time. Totally alike!!! HAHAHA!!!! Just cant wait till his full month now!!!! HAHAHA!!!!

Things will end.

2010-08-11T01:41:00.002+08:00

Well, if things were to end it this way, it will end it eventually. But the best is still with my firm decision I had made 5 months ago even up to now despite of all the advice I get which I should not even listen at all. I know there is a saying goes like this: Knowing your own sense of direction yet you still let others to hold your nose and walk be it a dead end. This marriage is totally a failure I would say or rather it cant be consider as a marriage. I always thought that things will change but ended up it got worsen. Perhaps, we are really not suitable for each other. All these while, I am just being treated like a fool. Each things you do are never on your own records except towards yourself and other girls. I am extremely tired and disappointed to the max too. Will all these just come to an end? I really dun have the strength to continue any further. Neither do I still want to get hurt even deeper by you. I just hope that there is always a strong pillar for me to lean on whenever I am in need of it and also stand by me. But i know this pillar is not you cos you never belongs to me at all.

My Blog shop is done. :)

2010-08-10T17:54:00.003+08:00

Hurray!! At last after a long wait, my blog shop is finally up now. Haha!!! I really enjoy doing it very it much. Hope that I will have people ordering from me cos the price are really very cheap from outside and also save the haste to rush here and there just to get the stocks they wanted for their fur kids last minute. Our operating hours are 24 hours per day. So you can dun need to worry about where to get the food u wanted for Ur fur kids too last minute. My dear friends out there, please help me to promote it to Ur friends if they have keep any pets or already have fur kids. Feel free to visit us at http://joannepetshop.blogspot.com. Hope to hear news from you guys soon. Thanks. :)

Finally

2010-08-02T19:36:00.005+08:00

After a long wait, finally I am now 34 weeks pregnant le. Time pass real fast as I am due next month. HAHA!!! But also at the same time I am very scared and nervous too. After all, this is my 1st child. Heard a lot of the feed backs from those young mummies around me including myself cos I am young too. HAHA!!! Kind of looking forward to see my little prince charming next month. HAHA!!! Alright shall stop here den. Will update again once I have gotten my little prince charming photo.

Back to blog again.. Haix..

2010-04-27T12:31:00.003+08:00

I am finally back to blog again after a long time. There are many things happen within such a short period of time. Haix.. Been having problems looking for job with my current status. Feel so not worth it.. Being single is still the best but having a partner by ur side is a bonus. Haha.. Humans are just so funny. They only tend to treasure it once they lose it. But when they manage to get it, they just dun seems to treat it as one issue. Haix.. I am just so bored nowadays. Most of my friends says that he is very lucky man especially guys. Haha.. Maybe he is but I dun think so. Shall see how he says and think about it. Hahaha.. Shall stop here den.

Excited for next week.. :)

2010-03-18T21:02:00.004+08:00

I am just too excited for next week. My ROM has been changed from May 10 to March 26 which is just next fri. I know its a bit too rush but still I am very excited about it. Cant wait till next week to arrive. Next week will be a very busy day for me. Haix.. Its good to be busy den free in case I anyhow think and let me thoughts run about. HAHA!!!!!! Im very vexed and frustrated nowadays. I feel that such things just happen too fast and also too real to believe it. I really dunno what to do now. Feel like running away from everything now. I just want to calm down and think peacefully being alone for now. I dun want to regret it once after I sign the paper and end up being divorce. Thats not the choice I wanted. I know as long as I haven sign the paper, I will still have the right to make my own decision and choice too. May god bless me and guide me through the right path from now. Shall stop here den.

im so happy..

2010-03-01T23:47:00.003+08:00

Finally, I manage to let go of a big stone on my shoulder. Yesterday was meet the parents session as it was the first time I bring him home to see my parents and grandma too. I was surprised that everything was able to settle it fast within ten minutes. My father and grandma seems alright with him. I am so happy to see that. I cant wait for this coming sunday to arrive cause this is the first time both parents official meet up and sit down together to have dinner and discuss about our wedding. Very excited and happy too.. :) Cant wait to know when is the wedding date too.. OH NO!! Haha.. Nothing can express my words now.. Overjoy le.. Hehe.. :) Shall stop here den. Will update soon. :)

2010-02-27T17:46:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I went to NUH for a check up. I did the depression test and I scored the highest total of 22 points. It was indeed very shocking. Haix.. But I was happy to see that the baby is very active though. Haha.. Now what worries me most is tomorrow how to handle my parents side.? How to break the news to them.? It worries me the most. I really dun wanna do things very harsh and rush manner just to get it done. I really dun wanna affect my baby the most. I really need the strength from god now the most. Hopefully, everything will go smoothly and get it done as soon as possible but not in a very messy way. May god bless me and also give me the strength to break the news to them too. Been waiting for these days to arrive very long. Im getting nervous too.. PREPARE TO DIE TOMORROW TOO!!! Haix... Wish me all the best too.. :'(

im so excited to see my baby.. :)

2010-02-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

Today, I went for a ultrasound scan after work at Thomson Women's Clinic. The queue was very long luckily I had make an appointment with Dr Lawrence Ang yesterday for today's appointment. My baby was about two month plus. I can hear the heartbeat. It was very healthy and stable according to the doctor. My baby was pretty small but according to the photo given by the doctor everyone say is big. Which I dunno why. HAHA.. Hopefully the rest will be even better. Looking forward to next month. HAHA.. Shall stop here den. :)

Im so happy to hear the news... :)

2010-02-22T18:36:00.004+08:00

I am so happy to hear the news that I am pregnant after seeing the doctor at Raffles Medical Center at harbourfront. My plan for having a baby have just brought forward to two years earlier which I am kind of surprised too. I plan to have a dargon baby initially. But since it had brought forward den I will just accept it as it is. Having a tiger baby is also not that bad cos I heard that tiger baby are very smart and clever too. HAHA!! But now I need a gyne cos my baby is nearly 12 weeks old. I wanna see where is it exactly. Kinda excited to see it though cos its my 1st time getting pregnant. I dun wish anything to happen to my baby. Hopefully, I can manage to get one gyne soon. May god bless me too.. Shall stop here den will update soon.. :)

I have been having the same nightmare this few days..

2010-02-16T22:23:00.002+08:00

OH NO!!! I have been having the same nightmare this few days and I also very scared that it will come true de. I am scared really very scared cos I really dun wish anything happen. No matter what, I will be extremely careful especially stairs cos in my dream is a very vicious women who push me down the stairs. But I dunno whether is on purpose or not. I just know that is a very dangerous people who is after me. I am just very scared and afraid now. I really dunno what to do. Just hope that god will bless me out and hopefully nothing will happen to me de. Haix.. Shall stop here den.

Its been long since I last blog..

2010-02-14T13:02:00.003+08:00

I know its been about two months since I last blog le. In these two months lots of things happen especially yesterday. I dunno why yesterday I will cry that badly and I started crying non-stop since 5 plus in the evening until this just now when I wake up not long. Last night, I went to watch midnight movie with Tracy. We watched two show. It was very fun and also wont feel tired at all. Its really worth watching those two especially, Percy Jackson and The Lighting Thief. Indeed, it live up to the name. I love that show very much and also will want to watch it again. Haha.. Cant really wait for part two to release it. After such a long hours has past, until now I still dun feel hungry at all. Dunno is I dun feel hungry or I have no mood to eat. I also dunno why I will cry just very sudden. My eyes are very tired, swollen and red too. Just hope that I dont have to cry anymore le. Haix.. Baby, I miss you badly.. :'( Wishing everyone happy new year and happy valentine day too. :)

I swear Im gonna quitting club!!

2009-12-22T00:36:00.002+08:00

I swear Im gonna quitting club after this year. Just hope that this year can faster end cos I wanna start afresh for a new year. This year have not been going very smoothly for me. I just simply hate this year. A better new year. A better new start. That is what I wish for now. Gonna stay home for the rest of the days till the year end. Im gonna be back to be a good little girl and look after my beloved. Haha.. She have been complaining non stop to me le. Really very sorry for neglecting you, my darling girl. Tomorrow shall bath you so that you can smell nice and also sleep well too.

Oh NO!! Have the sudden urge to do it again..

2009-12-20T08:58:00.003+08:00

I could not sleep well last night is because I made someone angry with me which I dun even mean it at all. I know yesterday was my fault cos in the 1st place is I say I wanna go home de but I din expected to see linda there so I stayed till a while more without telling him. That's why he is angry with me is understandable. He can angry with me, scold me or even bite me but just dun ignore me and leave me. I really dun wanna lose him cos he meant alot to me although is he just a part time boyfriend but still is boyfriend. To me, boyfriend is boyfriend. There is no such things as part time or full time de. But cos of him, I am more willingly to let go of the person that im suffering for den anyone else. Somehow, I just have the sudden urge to do it again when I was stoning alone in front of the com earlier on. Should I or not? Maybe I should den the feelings wont be making me so terrible and anyhow think also. Everytime after doing it, I will feel much better den anyone else but I cant let my sis saw it this time round. If not, her nagging goes again.. Haix.. Im just so vexed about everything around me..

2009-12-10T17:29:00.003+08:00

You are making me more miserable in my life. I have decided to let you go and I mean it. Well, at least this is a good start that I have stop giving you love and wink. I have to move on with my life without you. I know where I stand totally. Yesterday was a great day man! I love it although they all say I am drunk but in fact I am not drunk at all. I am still very sober. Once again, they just fail to make me drunk. Hahahahahahahahaha! Looks like no one can really make me drunk! The more I want to drunk the more I drink but end up the more I drink the more sober I am. I dunno why. Maybe there is a saying goes: the more you want to drink to get drunk, the more sober you are when you drink. Haha.. Looks like is true to me. I still have 5 more hours to go before I head off to bed for work tomorrow morning. Shall end here den.

She melts my heart.. OMG!!

2009-12-06T23:36:00.002+08:00

I have a very sweet daughter. Although, she likes to do things which I dun like sometimes to make me angry just to get my attention. Just like me toatlly alike. I know she din do it on purpose because I know its my fault for neglecting her. She never blames me for neglecting her but instead she is very sensible. When she know when I am sad or angry, she will come and console me. Either she will sit on my lap to watch tv with me or pass me her kongs to play fetch with her. Whenever I sees her, she just melt my heart just like the first time I sees her too. She loves to be with me at all times and also sleeps with me. Without her in my life, I dunno what will my life becomes. Im gonna love her forever with my life. Darling, mummy love you. Miss hugging you like a baby although you are no longer a baby le. I will manage my time properly in order to make you feel more secure. I promise.

Lots of things happen recently..

2009-12-06T15:12:00.003+08:00

There are lots of things happen recently. I know I should face it but instead of running it away from it but sometimes things are just uncontrollable. U can dun love me but you cant stop me from loving you. I know there wont be any outcome between us but still I am havesting that small little thoughts from it. I dun request anything from you but I really hope that you will leave me out from ur life because you have already become a part of me in my life. There are always urge for me to know your everything although I know you dun like people to control you but I dun see that is a control. Is just simply showering you with my love, care and also concern about you. I dun wan you to feel being left out by me neither do I want to feel the same too. But if one day, you really happen to found someone you really love very much and also can do better den me, must inform me right away. I will let you go no matter what because I dun wanna live in ur shadow anymore if that day really happens to come. I know I need to be strong when that day is here but I doubt so I can do it..

A meal a day is more en enough..

2009-12-03T18:17:00.002+08:00

Nowadays, I am back to the young me when I was very small. A meal a day is more den enough for me to have my daily needs. If there are more, its a bonus. It feels like I am being tortured or abused for not having proper meals and also very small in size. In fact, its not. I just dun like to eat which me myself also dunno why. I used to take hours to eat finish a meal even when others finish I am still eating. They all think that I am on diet but actually I am not although I want to be on diet too.. Haha.. I know like that is not good but what can I do? I am so used to it and also dun wish to have any changes too. OH MY GOD!! I cant wait till tomorrow night le cos I am watching twilight saga the new moon with my sister!! Tickets had already book but there are lots of other movies I wanted to watch too but I need to save up for Xmas and also new year so have to budget a bit le. I am now trying to slowly let go of things one by one so that when a new year is here I can start all afreash. Shall stop here den.

Im very nervous now... DIE!!

2009-12-01T22:16:00.002+08:00

Oh no!! I am damn nervous now for my tomorrow interview in the afternoon. I know this is not my first time interview but when I see the questions that they are going to ask me tomorrow I will surely get nervous de.. Hopefully, tomorrow God will help me and bless me too.. I really hope that I can get in for that job successfully. Hopefully, nothing goes wrong tomorrow and also wish me good luck for the interview too.. I shall preserve my energy for tomorrow and also should rest early too although I am very nervous now.. Shall stop here den. Good Luck to me for tomorrow interview once again. May God bless me too.. :)

Favourite top

2009-11-30T23:04:00.002+08:00

Today, i went to get one of my favourite top which I saw at honey and bee. It was very nice and I cant wait to wear that too.. Haha.. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me again cos I need to wake up early to get myself prepared to leave the house to get all my things done. Although, I have many movies wanted to watch but this fri I am watching twilight saga the new moon with my sis. Had already book the tickets online so we dun need to rush there to but the tickets last minute. Hmm, the rest of the days will be busy too.. Really love this dec month. Its the most meaningful month in the whole year.But also is the fastest month to pass.. Haix.. Shall stop here den..

2009-11-30T00:09:00.003+08:00

Finally, I get to rest after three days of work. It was very tiring standing there for hours but lucky there is movies to watch for entertainment. Haha.. Really cant wait for tomorrow to come. Its time for me to enjoy while waiting for my application to be approved. I feel so much relieve after submitting my applications. No more stress.. No more dragging myself to do things that I dun like.. Dun need to entertain anymore people.. I can be the real me with lots of freedom and do things that I love too.. Been waiting for such life very long le and now its just landed in front of me.. Plus been back to club again after three years.. It was so much fun and I am totally into clubs again. Really cant wait for them to be in holidays mood so that we can all go club together and get me drunk as planned earlier on too.. Haha.. Shall wait for this day to arrive and stop here too.

Working today finally.. haha..

2009-11-27T07:36:00.003+08:00

Today will be my first day of work. Hope is not going to be a tough day and I also love the locations too.. Haha.. Im gonna be crazy soon today haven pass and I already start to thik about tomorrow le.. Haha.. Had a bad dream just now. I really very scared that this bad dream will come true which I really dun wanna it to come true. Its been almost two days le since we last contact. I really hope that he can calm down and think what exactly he wants and not drunk with sorrows. I sincerely hope that he can really let it go and carry on with his life. I dun wanna see him like this. It pains me badly seeing him like this. Sometimes, I have the urge to drunk myself with sorrows too whenever I think about him doing it. I dunno why but I really hope that esther and friends can really make me very drunk next month which plan earlier on. Hoping for this day to come soon.. Haha.. Shall stop here den got to prepare for work soon..

Going back at last..

2009-11-24T23:55:00.003+08:00

I cant wait for tomorrow to arrive cause I am going back there to clean up the mess in that house plus hope to meet him for breakfast at there too. Hope that I am able to sleep tonight after blogging as I have not been sleeping very well these few days. Sometimes, at night I also will have illusions too but I wont tell what kind of illusions cause its a secret. Haha.. Really wish that I am able to see him tomorrow with full of energy. Shall stop here den if not I cant wake up early tomorrow le.

This term faster end..

2009-11-17T00:41:00.002+08:00

I am just too excited already. I cant wait for this term to faster end so that I can go for my favourite and also very keen in taking that course. Now, my mind is blank cos i cant even think of what to write for my roleplay script which have to hand in tomorrow. I think I am so gonna be dead soon. Just hope that I will be able to complete it later before going to school. Looks like now my life for sleeping time is all in a mess. In the day, I tend to sleep alot but when come to night I am very awake. Can hardly sleep even when I lie down on the bed. I really dunno what to do now.. Haix.. Shall stop here den..

mmm..

2009-11-13T02:22:00.002+08:00

Again is a bad day today. Looks like I really need to find a feng shui master to see where went wrong. Why is it that everyone is finding fault in me? Is there really no peace in this world at all? I really dun understand. Are humans really that hard to understand and work together in peace? I really cant stand it anymore. I feel like cutting my hand again and again. Can I really do so? Although I ever cut myself lots of times before. Tomorrow will be a tough day for me. Meeting my teacher and see what she wanna talk to me about. I know I have been running away from my problems although I know that is not the way. I choose to runaway is cos I dun wanna face it but its just not expected that I will have to face it that early plus in front of my teacher somemore. Anyway, things do happen unexpectedly sometimes without being notice. Shall stop here den.

My dreams are coming soon.

2009-11-11T22:10:00.004+08:00

Finally after a long wait, my dreams are now coming true. Hurray. I am kinda very happy. Hahaha... There will two big pandas from China coming to Singapore to stay. Its a gift from the president in China for celebrating ten years of collabrating with Singapore stated in the News tonight at Channel 8. They will be arriving in 2011 which s two years time. Im really very happy as I dun need to travel very far just to see the two pandas in Taiwan. I can also take back the photos I lost in my other phone which I taken in Taiwan. Hopefully, two years can faster come. I still thought that I am dreaming cos due to the wheather in Singapore and also not enough bamboo for the two pandas is very hard to survive in Singapore. Lucky, they are now preparing everything for the two pandas which are coming to Singapore in two years time. I am gonna looking forward for this day to come. Shall stop here den. Too excited already.

2009-11-07T12:11:00.002+08:00

I know that due to my current situation is way far away from having a relationship. Who will want to carry a bomb with them where ever they go when they dun even know when the bomb will explode? That is my current situation. People who look at me will think that I am crazy. I am nuts. I am a freak. Someone who will cry out of no where. Someone who will talk to herself out of no where. Someone who will do things unknowing what she do to herself until what others ask her. That person is me. I dunno when I will explode myself neither do I wanna hurt those people that I loves around me. I dun wan them to see the situation that I am in now. No matter how much I love the person, I will not express it out. I just wanna keep it all to myself. Even I have to suffer, I will also suffer it in silence. Cos I know that is the only way where I can communicate to my other one in me. We are of two different characters. The real me is keep things to herself, pretend nothing happen and also happy-go-lucky type. The other me is very rebellious. Get aggitated or worked up easily. Even a little bit thing also cannot. Cannot afford to lose. Sounds scary right? That reaction was normal for the first time. I was too terrified at first. I thought that everything had ended but in actual fact its not. What is in me is in me forever. It will follow me where ever I go unless we both perish in this world.

I dunno what the hell is wrong with me!

2009-11-06T22:45:00.003+08:00

I dunno what the hell is exactly wrong with me. I did it again today. Nowadays, I seems like I am gonna go crazy soon. Is either I get worked up easier or rather I wanna went my anger on something else. But sometimes I feel like bitting people up. I really cant stand staying here anymore!!!! I WANNA MOVE OUT REAL SOON! I cant imagine what will happen next. I really dun wanna hurt her as she is someone I really love most other den my parents. Apart from my parents, I hate my siblings too. I dunno how come I will come to this earth especially, this family that I was born in. I envy those families where their bonds are very strong and also able to talk things out without even hesistating. They have no secrets in them and also very happy. That is what I think a real family is. I really wish to have that kind of family real soon. NO ONE can ever understand the situation that I am in now. I am feeling damn bloody terrible. I can even hardly breathe. The only time where I can be free and happy or rather be the real true me is only when I am in secondary school times with my real best friends. I really miss those days badly. I really need a place for me to find peace and happy to be the true me. I really very scared that the real me is being buried by the current me now. I know I have split personalities in me which make me feel like I am a freak. I dunno when I will transform out of the sudden. I really very scared to see that situation. I know that when that situation happens I sure will hurt her very badly. That is the worst and also the most terrifiying to see.

I m too happty till i cant slp.. OMG!!!

2009-11-05T03:22:00.003+08:00

Hahaha... Its already plus 3am in the morning and my eyes are still open wide big. I am just so excited on this friday. Think about it. I am really gonna go crazy soon!! I finally found someone to break my ice from clubbing after a long search. Its time for me to get back to the world where I belong to although I have waited for long but its worth it cos its him. :) I am too happy already now. Hahaha.. Tomorrow I wont be late for school and also will stay throughout the whole day. Indeed its very rare too. HAHAHA!!!! Shall stop here den. Good night. :)

Poor me... :(

2009-11-02T23:47:00.003+08:00

Supposingly, tomorrow should be a good day for me cos my favourite course starting tomorrow. This course I have been waiting for very long to take but has been put on hold for long time too cos I am waiting for the best timingand yet it appear just nice. Haha.. Really cant wait for it. But my mum ask me to go back tomorrow just for the sake of her show as she wants to use my com to watch it. I really dunno what can I do now to solve this matter. My back already gives me so much problem and yet my mum give me this problem too. Can someone please help me with this problem please? Tomorrow my bag will be very heavy too. How???? OMG!!! Really need help very badly now... :( Shall end here den. Good night.

I am very happy today. :)

2009-10-28T22:52:00.002+08:00

I am very happy today cause I get to attend a nutrition talk by pang lao shi. I am really very lucky cos alot of people din get the chance to attend cos the ticket is really very limited. One of my dream when I was young is to become a nutritionist. Today, I really learn alot of knowledge about nutrition and also had fun during the lessons. It was indeed very interesting. I will do more research on pang lao shi to know more. Hahaha... Shall stop here den.

What should i do?

2009-10-27T20:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel very frustrated and stressful. Regardless of whether is school, work or family I will never have what I should deserve. I envy those families which their parent or friends are very supportive towards them. I tried my very best to do what I like and also what I am interested in. It does not just turn out to be very bad and also not supportive by them. I feel that I just need time to prove to them that I can make it but it just not working. I thought that I can change their mind set. Unfortuanately, I am just too naive. No matter how good I do and also how hard I try to work for its all unless. Cause in their eyes, they dun see my present. They only see the good ones and also compare them together. They only wants the winner and not the loser. Even tough they are the winner or they are just by luck to be the winner, doesnt mean they will be winner forever and also luck will be with them forever. Loser will not always be loser. I believe its not the end for the loser. No matter what, loser will still 翻身的机会. When there is a will, there is a way. Thats what i believe it. Whenever I have the urgue to tell them what I am doing, I will always think twice and also very hard whether should I tell them or not. I will think until my head very pain and also feel like bursting at times. I really don't know what to do. Its a type of phobia for me to approach them. I am like a hamburger. I am stuck in between the good and the bad. I personally try it before sharing it to them but before I start they give me all those negative comments which really turns me off. I really don't know how come those people around me are all like that? I even wonders am I really their child. I can hardly find friends to confide to. I really hope that there will be someone there for me but I doubt so. At times, I just feel like insisting in my own views of point and persistent in it. Hopefully, I will get to see my own effort pays off.

Shall stop here then. Tomorrow have to wake up early to go school. I really hope that I can have the habit to start to sleep at ten every night from now onwards. May god bless me. Good night readers. :)

New items... Haha..

2009-10-22T01:44:00.002+08:00

I am so happy today. I manage to get my favourite lingerie after a long search for it. Hopefully, the rest of my life will be very smoothly and also able to pass all obstacles. Currently, I am waiting for my baby to come. At last, he is coming over. I am so happy. This is the first time I ever felt so happy and also manage to let go. I see no point holding back a guy where by you have his body but not his heart. I have sorted out all my thoughts already. I wanna concentrate on what I am doing now and also wish to go to DUBAI next year. I am really looking forward to it. Have my energy fully charged and I will rush straight to it. I will ONLY move forward towards my goals which I wanna achieve in my life rather den staying in the past. I dun wanna be stuck in my past anymore. I must move out from there!!! It was a terribly nightmare in there. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

back to blog...

2009-10-14T08:47:00.002+08:00

Its been a long time since I last blog. Finally, back to school on monday after a long vacation i had. But i was sick on mc for two days after I went back to school on monday. Dunno is consider lucky or bad. I will be missing lessons for two days. Which I dunno how to cope after looking at my books. I sure die this term too... Haix... Really hope there is a one to one make up lessons for me by my teacher. Hahaha... Den i will be damn happy lo... Full attention all for me!!!!! YEAH.... Its been so long since I last have the one to one lessons. I just simply love that feelings the most. Hahaha... Im feeling very terrible now until the extend I feel like crying out loud. Who will know how I feel? I doubt so. Tomorrow have to go back to school for lessons without fail even if I am not well. Haix....... Shall stop here den. Its time for me to rest again.. Good night. :)

My necklace is lost.. :(

2009-09-23T22:50:00.002+08:00

I am now on vacation for a month. During this one month, I had done alot of thinking. I was thinking why I will go back to school to study? Why will I choose accounting? Why will I choose to break up with you after so many years? Do I really like this course? Actually, I also dunno. I just know that there are too many things going on towards me. Instead of facing all the problems, I choose to escape from it. I know that is not my style but I simply choose to escape. I like the feeling. It feels so free from all problems and also no stress. But no matter what, I still need to face the problems. I went back to study for the sake of the cert. I choose accounting cause it used to be my interest but not anymore so I kind of regret it very badly. I tried to change course but my teacher says the application is closed. So I had no choice to stay in this course. I know I still have a long way to go before I graduate and get my cert in the end. I really hope that this day will faster come. This is really killing me. I feel so hurt and empty. Sometimes, I am wondering if time can go backwards. If so, I will not do the same thing again. I will just let you do whatever you want and also will not interfere in whatever decisions you make. I know it is impossible at all cause time will only move forward instead of backward. Once its lost means its lost. Yesterday, I lost my beloved necklace. I cherish this necklace very badly. It is the best gift I ever receive in my life. I regret taking it down at the time. Looks like it seems that I should let you go in order for me to carry on with my life. Hopefully I can do that. I am feeling so hurt and badly empty too. I just hate myself for doing that to you.

Finally, I cut mu nails. sad.

2009-09-04T02:05:00.004+08:00

Its sad that my nails break off and I had to cut my nails. Its been such a long time since I last cut my nails till bald. I really cant get used to it. I miss my long nails very badly. Shall wait till it grow back and also hope that my nails will become stronger so that it wont break off so easily. I am now in a very difficult situation. Should I or should I not let go of my studies and concentrate to find a full time job to let me get devoted to it rather den quit halfway through? I really hope that there is someone there for me when I am in need. My mind just not working very well now.

TGIF again.. Haha..

2009-08-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

Its TGIF. Whenever it comes to tgif, I will always be very happy. Its last day of the week for school and also means it past one week again. Manage to submit my CMS on time today. Expect what will happen when I attend her lesson today. Shall see him on mon den. Haha.. Hopefully, next wednesday can hurry arrive. I really cant wait for it. Haha.. Tomorrow and sunday I am working. Here goes again to make myself very shag. I love it. Haha.. I am now tying to make myself as busy as I can. I dun want to have any free time available to let my imaginations go wild again. I want to numb myself up. Hopefully, I can do it. I really hope that I have enough strength to overcome this two years. After two years, we will all go individual ways. Of cos, I will still keep in contacts with certain friends. Haha.. You know who you are. Now, I am just left with BEV analayse den I am done. That is the tough one. Haix.. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

I did something incredible.. haha..

2009-08-13T23:38:00.002+08:00

Today was my AFD CA2 retest. I am very shag and tired as I did not sleep over the past few days. My eyes was already half shut but still I manage to endure till the end. I tot of going home after curtain lessons but think back I have a test to take and also a hong kong briefing to attend so I stay till the test is over den I go home. But guess what? When I enter the room, I was shocked to see the paper. My hands were shevering like mad and I also force myself to write non-stop. It looks hard but I manage to complete all. Surprising rite? I also dunno how I do it one. And worst is, I still got time to sleep before completing the paper. I sleep for about 15 mins or so. I am seriously far too tired. After I woke up and continue the paper, I forget something important. I know I forget something but I just dunno what I forget until when i reach home. I saw the consent form den I reliase I forget to attend the hong kong briefing. Dead this time. Tomorrow when I go back school, confirm kenna from annie one. I knew it I will die in her hands one day. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

Too shag already..

2009-08-12T21:01:00.002+08:00

Have been too stressful over the past few days. Was not able to sleep last night too as I was rushing all my assignments at one go. The feeling just sucks and I also dunno why. Supposed to meet up with one of my friend to catch a movie but ended up have to cancel. Really very sorry about it. Had from my grandma that my cousin's grandfather just pass away this afternoon. My cousin must be feeling very down now. Will be going to the wake with my grandma and dad this friday. Hopefully to break my own record. Haha.. Manage to go for jogging everyday except weekends as I am working. But i love jogging at night den day. Haha.. The feeling is so superb. Again had to stay up late to do my afd. Tomorrow I have a retest going on. Speechless.... Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

Went to celebrate national day and also my grandma's birthday.

2009-08-09T00:25:00.000+08:00

I had a very bad day today. Before I left the house for work, I had a bad diarrhoea. I think is either I ate wrong food yesterday or this morning. So I wasnt able to go for work. The worst is yet to come. I have to reload all my songs over again as this afternoon all my songs were being deleted away. Late evening, before we were about to leave the house for dinner washing detergent went into my eyes. It was damn pain. I can hardly open my eyes and walk. I keep using water to rinse it off but it just dun seem to be working. I even thought of rubbing it but I din do that. Instead, I use my towel to cleaning my eyes and keep using the water to rinse it off. I cant stand my auntie. Say already that my sis and I will be going there by ourself yet she still got the cheeck to make so much noise. Lucky she not my mum else she will be dead by me. Haha.. Just hate her to the core dunno why. My sis and I manage to get the CDs we wanted badly. Looks like I will turn my room into a dance floor soon. Haha.. I just cant stop dancing and also feel like going clubbing soon. Haha.. Hopefully, my this dream will come true soon. Really cant wait for it. Haha.. Shall stop here den. Tomorrow I still need to go and work. Good night and sweet dreams.

At last, its friday..

2009-08-07T21:40:00.003+08:00

At last, friday is here again. Im super tired today as I din sleep throughout the whole yesterday. I was supposed to study for my accounting CA2 for next wednesday. But i just some how was not able to do it. Totally gave up on it and dunno what to do now. Haix.. I just cant simply wait for tomorrow. Especially when it comes to weekends. My mood is super high as im working on weekends. Have to fight till the end. I noticed weekends time are always passing faster den weekdays. Shouldn't they supposed to be the same? Time on weekdays are always hard to survive. Far TOO SLOW.... Haha.. Hopefully, I will not flunk my AFD CA2 next wednesday. Dun wanna think about that now. Too many things to think about already.. STRESSED!!!!!! Shall stop here den. Sleeping early if not tomorrow sure late. Haha..

Damn disappointed..

2009-08-05T23:18:00.003+08:00

Again I went to collect my result at tampines polyclinic. I am so disappointed in the doctors. I had done everything I suppose to do and yet they can tell me that sorry there is nothing we can do. I was like stunned for a few seconds with my mouth open big. Totally disappointed and they still can say must come back reguarly for a blood test ya. Deep down I was thinking of letting go. I dun wanna take anymore test and check up. Neither do I still wanna go to the hospital anymore. If my life were to end at this age, let it be. I have nothing else to worry other den my girl. I dun wanna see myself suffering anymore. Everything is revealing out ever since I go for my blood test. I just wanna let myself live to the fullest and fulfil whatever wish I have in my life. I dun wanna have any regrets when I leave. I will just forgo everything. After sseing the doctor, I met my sis at suntec to get her phone. She manage to get the N97 white. It was super nice can. It was her birthday present from herself. I am aiming to get my IPhone 3G S too. Haha.. Looks like today AFD exam paper are really tough. Everyone is cursing here and there. I think I will be going crazy too. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

Worst day in my life..

2009-08-01T17:32:00.003+08:00

Dunno why nowadays my head is giving me so much problem. I get very irritated very easily nowadays. Doctor says that I am very anxious and also under alot of stress. Ask me to relax more often. How to relax more often when I have so much things on hand to settle? How I wish I can just drop off from my accounting course just like that. There are quite alot of occasions that I wanted badly to drop it. But most of my friends ask me not to drop it. But I really cant make it. I will surely drop it half way through. I know myself very clearly de. Especially my health now is not in a very good condition. I even have to drag myself to school everyday now and then. There are lots of things for me to catch up in my studies. Monday have CMS meeting roleplay. Wednesday have my AFD CA2. Den follow up by my BEV newspaper article submission. Looks like I really need to plan and also manage my time wisely. I am very happy to receive my gold card today. Will activate it soon so that i can use. Haha.. Looking forward for my UOB Ladies Card. I love it the most among all. Mayba cos is black which is my favourite colour.

Went to SGH..

2009-07-30T20:47:00.002+08:00

Went to SGH this morning with my grandma to see the specalist on my conditon. Had waited quite long for my turn although I had made an appointment at 9.45am. Yesterday, I draw one tube full of blood at tampines polyclinic. Today, I draw again one small fat bottle full of blood. I am very scared of taking blood. Especially my own one. The moment I see my own blood, I will surely cry. If not, I will think that I am very sick which is very true la. The doctor prescribe me a 1 month vitamin pills to take. 2 months later I need to go back to SGH to see him again regarding my results. Haix.. Very scared and also worried about the results. When everything was almost done, my sis teacher call up my grandma to pick her up from school as she was also not feeling very well. So we have to rush here and there to get her. After picking her up, I have to rush back to school to meet melvin and david up too. He really waste my time and also my fare to ask me to go back school with my laptop. We did nothing at all as there was no reception at all. The school so big yet no reception. Damn pissed off with the school. I thought of going for afd too but think back I wasnt wearing school uniform n also wearing slipper den just walk in the classroom like that not very good. So I left home from school. My face very very pale and I am also very weak. Tomorrow dunno how. Haix.. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams.

My results release today..

2009-07-29T19:31:00.002+08:00

Today, I want to tamp polyclinic with my grandma to get my blood results. The result I get back is not very good. The answer is the same as three years ago. They ask me to take my blood test again. At first, I was very relectant to take but my grandma ask me to take to see what happen to me. At the same time, they also refer me to SGH tomorrow morning. My second blood test result will only release next wednesday. The blood i drew today was very black then the first time i take. I was very scrared and cry. My grandma was very worried when she see my blood was black in colour. After we left the tamp polyclinic, we went to bugis. She wanted to bring me to the temple at bugis to pray. I will go with her is cos i dun want her to get so worried about me. I know after she pray, she will feel more relieve. But i know myself very clearly. I really dun wish that my guess is correct. If so, it will be too frightening for me to take it. Anyway, tomorrow's appointment at SGH i will surely go. Even if i dun go, my grandma will still drag me to go cos she will be going with me. Looks like I am lagging far too behind the class now. Haha.. Monday is the due date for my cms ca3. Tomorrow will be going back to school i guess just to do the cms ca3 with melvin and david. Looks like very rush to me. Haha.. But indeed it is very rush cos I am left with not much days to do it. :(

Finally, my result is out tomorrow..

2009-07-28T18:54:00.002+08:00

I have two news. One good and other is bad. The good one is my hong kong trip is resume. I will be departing on 14 september which is on Monday. I am very happy and excited about it too. Haha.. I will be flying just after my chalet. I am looking very forward to it. Haha.. Finally, I am able to leave Singapore and go to such a far place. I wanna leave this sad place although i will miss my beloved dog, my families and friends. But i will return back to see them. I definitely will miss my daughter very badly. This is the first time I am leaving her for so long. Wanna spend more time on her nowadays. She is my everything. Haha.. Next, will be the bad news. Tomorrow will be a bad day for me as my results release. Wont be going to school as well although I really wish that he can message me but I know he wont. I really dun feel like going to tampines from one end to the other end just to collect the results. I am really very sacred about the outcome. I dun wanna think much now. Just hope everything will be fine tomorrow. Wish me good luck and may god bless me too.. :) Anyway, I feel that sometimes facebook quiz are really true. They can really know what is my heart thinking about. Even human also cant guess so exactly right. Haha.. But of course some are also crap one la.. Hahaha... Really hope that my dreams do come true one day. Looking forward to that particular day to come true. Haha.. Shall stop here den. Good night and sweet dreams. :)

Nice going out with fiona, li xian and chloe.. :)

2009-07-27T18:47:00.003+08:00

Today, I went to bedok lidrary with Chole, Fona and Li xian after school to memorise the cms script and rehears it too. Before we start, I was reading Xiao S book on her pregnency and marriage too. I find this book quite interesting. I was tempting to buy her book. While Fiona ask chloe to help her to tie her plaits hair. After they tie finish, we start to memorise and also rehears a few times before we stop looking at the script. Half way through, I receive a message from her. I was damn bloody pissed and angry when i receive her message. I feel very hot when I was inside the library and the rest feel very cold. Fiona keep calling her until she also very pissed and yet she still dun wan to answer. She give up and send her a message instead. After not long later, we decide to leave the library to grab some tiramisu to munch. We walk pass this shop near the library. I foget what is the name but Chloe say that paragon also have one outlet which serve the tiramisu was very nice. So we decided to give it a shot. But to our horror, the food turns out to be very bad. The first mouth was not bad but subsquently it became worst. This is the first time I never finish the tiramisu although I love to eat tiramisu alot. But I will want to out the one at paragon instead. Haha.. After we eat finish not long, she finally call up Fiona. Fiona was pissed off after talking finish with her on the phone. My tolerant level is to the max. My waiting time and patience is far too over the limit. I really had enough of her. Maybe I am just being far too kind and lenient that's why people keep taking advantage of me. After the bill payment, we went to the ladies in the library before heading up to the kids corner at level three to pratice our script again. Just then, Chloe spotted I cut my wrist where Fiona saw it when we were on the bus to bedok library. I dunno how they manage to see it but I am gonna change the new blade soon to continue later. I really dunno what exactly is wrong with me. First, is you. Second, is him. Now, is her. I am under lots of stress and pressure too. Worst, tomorrow is my role play. Hopefully I can remember all my lines and also wont go blank. Wish me good luck and also all the best. :)

haix...

2009-07-26T02:25:00.000+08:00

Today was supposed to be a happy day. But ended up, sucks. Totally sucks for me. Am i easy to fool of? Or rather am i easy to let other people to play me out? First is you. Second is him. Now is her. I really hate it man!!!!! I never dp shit to others yet others want to do shit on me. Am i being too lenient? Ever since you left me, I have cut myself until now. I really cant take it anymore. I just manage to cut myself although the blade is too rusty. Its time to buy new blade to continue to cut myself tomorrow. At times, i really feel like doing things on people but i know the laws. I dun wanna break any law so i can only do it to myself. That is the only way for me to relieve it. I feel that my life have come to an end. I need to hurt myself by cutting my wrist. I dunno why I will want to cut myself and also dunno when has it become a habit for me. I will feel much better once i have cut my wrist. Its ok. I shall continue cutting myself tomorrow after i get a new blade. Its getting far too late. Tomorrow i still need to wake up early. Shall stop here den tomorrow den continue. Good night. :)

Hmm..

2009-07-22T01:38:00.000+08:00

Lessons was being cancelled today due to high element. I was happy to hear that. Haha.. Still have one more week to go before my blood results were being released. I am very worried about the results. I really dunno what to do. Im very stressful now. I can hardly concentrate on my studies now. Hopefully im not lagging far too behind the class. Tomorrow lessons will be very long. But i dun intend to go for the afternoon lessons. As I have to make payment for my korean language which I sign up in school and also commence this friday. I really cant wait for it to start as im getting very excited for it too. I had waited for very long too.. Haha.. I went for an interview this afternoon and i manage to get in. I was very happy when they call me to inform me that I was being selected. I really must thank god for it. Tomorrow lessons start at 8am. Had set alarm at 5am. I am crazy right? Haha.. I think so too.. Its been so long since I last woke up at 5am to go to school. Its indeed a miracle for me to do that. Haha.. K la have to stop here. Else, tomorrow i cant get up at 5am anymore. Good night and sweet dreams. May god bless you. :)

Tml back to school..

2009-07-20T01:40:00.002+08:00

Finally, I will be going back to school tomorrow after my long holiday break which extended for another two weeks. Within that two weeks, alot of things happen to me. I am getting weaker and weaker nowadays. Among all my siblings, I am the one who have lots of problems since young. Even up till now, the same thing happen over and over again. 3 years back, I am alright when taking blood test and my blood that time was normal but results was abnormal. I dunno what is wrong with me that time and did all sorts of test except one. The ultra scan. At that point of time, I feel that there is no such need to take that test. But who knows, it happen again 3 years later. I cried that time i took my blood test. It was the first time i cry taking my blood and was very painful too. My whole hand was numb and swollen too. Results will be out in two weeks time. Wait till then to see what is excatly wrong with me. K la. Got to sleep. Good nite. :)

See a doc today..

2009-07-15T19:11:00.003+08:00

Today, I was suppose to meet melvin this morning at tamp interchange to pass him his cms script to teacher but I overslept. So I message him back when once I woke up this morning. I woke up around 9 plus and message him immediately. Lucky, I meet him in school entrance gate to pass him the script so that he can pass to teacher otherwise, i will be dead man. Just jokking la.. Haha.. I left for my next destination with my grandma to tamp polyclinic. My grandma thought that my sch is the tamp polyclinic. I tell her no la. That was not the tamp polyclinic la. It was my school. She was so shock to see that my school is very big. Haha.. Then, we take the over head bridge to take bus 31 to tamp interchange and change bus 293 to the tamp polyclinic. I reached there around 12 plus. Although, I saw alot of people there waiting to see a doctor but I can consider being lucky cos I dun need to wait for hours like the one I wait at clementi. That was very long and also infurating too. When is my turn, the doctor ask me those standard questions and also give me quite a few medicine to take too. Plus he also drew two big tube blood of mine. I was surprised to see my blood different from the other time I took which was 3 years back. I cried when they drew my blood. It was painful den last time. Now, my hand had swollen and red too. Lucky, I have two days mc and I also feel very weak too. Haix.. Really very scared to see my results in two weeks time. :( Hopefully, it has not worsen my condition.

Surprised I broke my own record. Haha..

2009-07-12T07:21:00.002+08:00

Wow.. Its been one full day since yesterday I have not been sleeping. This kind of feeling is back again. I just simply love it. I stayed up the whole night just to watch my boys over flowers. It was very nice and sad too. I almost cried throghout the show. Although I stayed up to watch but I was not able to watch finish the whole show until this morning. Lucky, grandma dun know about it or else i sure die from her. Haha.. After watching finish the show, I feel that my whole body aches badly but its ok i can still able to manage it. Haha.. I manage to groom my bady girl until her shedding decreases alot. After im done with her, I change my own queen size bed sheet and the pillow cases as well. Help me grandma to do the house chores so that she dun need to do and also dun wan her to fall down like the other time and wash my fans too. Haha.. I will be having a test tomorrow and I will be burning midnight oil again just for tomorrow test. I even thought of not going to school tomorrow but... Haix.. Shall see how again tomorrow morning when i wake up. Haha.. K la. Got to go and study now and also find some food to eat too.. Haha.. :)

Its the fourth day of school.

2009-07-09T18:32:00.002+08:00

Today, is the fourth day of school since school started on monday. I have not been attending classes now and then since the beginning of day one. I dunno what is happening to me. I just cant get up in the morning 5am to prepare myself to go school. Its damn crazy man. Hence, I tend to sleep till I am able to wake up den I will be able to go to school. By the time I reach school, its damn late. Always will miss the morning lesson one. Haha.. Looks like something bad is gonna happen. Hopefully my guess is wrong. In the day, i wanna sleep especially in class. Once I sleep in class, haha will be like nobody business le. Hahaha.. But when come to night which is my favourite time, it pass very fast and also i cant sleep. I tried to sleep but just simply cant get into my dreamland. Haix.. How I wish if everyday single day n time is night, isnt that wonderful? Haha.. No day is the best for me. Im only living in my own world which is the night one. HAHA.. Thats why i just love night life the best. It suits me prefectly well. Hahaha.. But sometimes, things are just beyond our control. Same goes to my philosophy of life. Hahaha.. Really cant wait for later night class. Im looking forward for it and im so excited now. Hahaha.. :)

1st day of school... Damn sian.. Haix..

2009-07-06T20:28:00.003+08:00

Today is the first day of school after my holidays. I feel very tired and also dun feel like going back to school anymore. I just feel like dropping it. I dunno why. Maybe what miss phua say is right. The momenterm is not there and also still not used to the environment. Which I think is pretty true cos now my sleep has been affected and my insonmia is back again. But to my surprise, I actually did bring a 26 inch mumu to school. Its indeed a miracle cos I dun like to carry a soft toy where ever i go. Its just not my style of doing it la. Hahaha.. But today, I dunno why I will bring a 26 inch mumu to school too. Hahaha.. I think im gonna falling ill soon. My body feel very weak after school starts. I dun even think i can concentrate in class anymore. All i wanna do in class is sleep, sleep, sleep, and sleep till all the way until lesson ends. I just have this urge. Maybe the old me is back again. Haha.. If so, that would be great. I just miss the old me. I dunno why. I feel more comfortable being the old me but i miss my old friends which i always used to hang out with. I still prefer hanging out with them and also feel much more safe. Hahaha... Being with them, the feelings are so much different from now. I just simply miss being with them. Haix.. Hope to see them soon. Haha.. Tml again have to wake up early. Hopefully, i wont overslept again which this morning i did. Hahaha... :)

im super tired today.

2009-07-05T20:31:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to wake up at 5am tis morning but instead i overslept till 6.30am. I was so shocked that i will overslept. I did set my alarm at 5am. Normally when i go to sch and set my alarm at 5am, i will surely wake up. But for this time round, i dunno why will overslept. I am very scared that tomorrow I will be damn late for school as tomorrow onwards is school re-open. Tonight, will be the last day of school holidays. Damn sianx. Haix.. Lucky, today i did enjoy myself while im doing the voluntary work. Apart from the voluntary work, I also learn something new. A lesson given by a 50 year old uncle named relationship. He teaches us how to handle a relationship and also know when to stop a relationship before loving him too deeply. He say one thing which i think is true. There is no love in this world. No matter how loving a couple can be, in the end will still end up being separated. Being a loving couple not just as girlfriend and boyfriend, even as lawful husband and wife also can be a loving couple. Sometimes, i feel envy for those very old old couples. They are still so loving and sweet even though they are old. How I wish my other partner and I can also be like them so loving and sweet when we are old too. K la. Got to sleep early tonight if not tomorrow cannot wake up la. Haha.. :)

what a day.

2009-07-04T23:17:00.002+08:00

Today, im damn tired. Last night slept at 3 plus 4am. Woke up quite late this morning nearly afternoon. Haha.. Dunno how to cope when school start on monday. Haix.. Today, my elder sis and her husband brought me, my grandma and my youngest sister out for dinner, desserts and also chill at mt faber. It was damn nice at night. The senery was so romantic. How I wish I can go with my future husband there too but who knows who will he be? Haha.. We went to keppel island for desserts. I love the place there the most. It was fantastic and also very romantic. I notice that only working adults know such a romantic places. How I wish I can find such a romantic guy too.. Haha.. They are yatch there too. I saw one yatch which i really love it alot but I heard from my sis that owing one yatch is not cheap. In fact, I would say there are alot of rich guy out there but it actually takes time adn effort to know one and of cos, most importantly it depends on fate too. I believe if he is meant to be yours, eventually he will be yours no matter what. If he is not meant to be yours, no matter how you force or push him he will also not be yours. In fact, he will run away or escape from you. Sometimes, knowing a guy is easy but loving someone wholeheartedly is difficult. After all, it takes two hands to clap. You cant just clap with one hand. Hopefully, im able to find my Mr.Right soon which is meant for me and also understand me well. K la have to end here. Tomorrow i have my voluntary work to do. Good night and sweet dreams. :)

Feel like going clubbing again.

2009-07-03T01:38:00.000+08:00

Its been more then a year since i last went clubbing. I feel like going clubbing again. I just feel that among all the life i have. Clubbing life suits me the best. I dunno why. Haha.. I just simply love dancing too much. It can shake all my worries away and i dun have to think too much for that particular moment. I really cant wait for it man. Hahaha... How I wish I can just dump school a side and enjoy myself before going back to school next week. But i dunno who should I go with to club. Really miss go clubbing with lee wen and her sister. We had so much fun last time. Hmm, shall go and find her one of these days then. Haha.. Or anyone else who is my friend, also can go with me if you wan. I dun mind. Haha.. But of cos, cannot underage one la. Must be at least 18 de. Hahaha.. :)

im super tired today.

2009-07-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

Today, im super tired. I could not sleep last night. I stayed up till 4 plus nearly 5am doing my afd. Haha.. Now, my homework is only left with bev. The most difficult one. Haix.. I thought of taking a short nap before going back to school for cca but ended up i overslept and was late for cca too. Haha.. Luckily, its ok otherwise i dunno what is gonna happen sia. After my cca, i went to meet siti at simei platform going to era's house as her mum requested. Both siti and I were excited about going to era's house as it is the 1st time we are going. Although im very tired, in the end I still went. The moment i entered era's house i feel so cozy and warm. Hahaha.. I almost fall asleep which i nearly did once i sat down on the sofa. It was siti who ask me not to sleep and talk to me all the while with era too.. Haha.. We were both offered with drinks and snacks. The feeling was so good. How i wish i can stay there overnight. Hahaha.. Think i will be killed by my grandma if i did that. :) I still gt a long way to go before school starts next monday. Haix... Damn sianz man... Dunno what to say. Speechless man. Hopefully, when school starts next monday I will not have problems with sleepling early but i doubt so will happen de. Just wait and see lo. Hahaha..

At last...

2009-06-29T19:43:00.002+08:00

Finally, i managed to watch transformers 2 with shu wei last saturday. We watch midnight movie at marina square. It was indeed very nice. Heard that there will be a part 3 coming out which i dunno whether is true or not so i will just wait for it. Upcoming, there will be more movies available. Im looking forward for it. Haix, today I receive a news saying that will hong kong trip will be postpone till further notice due to H1N1. I dunno how long more do I have to wait for the trip to arrive. Hopefully all the plans which i planned earlier on will not go to the drain. I really cant wait for my korea trip although i nvr been to korea before. Haha.. I want to see my KIM HYUN JOONG!!! I miss him very badly. He is just so unresistable and cute. Hahaha.. Kudos to Boys over flowers. I must say, it is indeed worth watching it. Among all different version, korean version is still the best. I cant wait for their concert held in Singapore too. They are just simply awaesome. Haha.. No words can describe it. Just hope that i can get the chance to see them soon and also have close up front contact. Hahaha.. :)

Its the nine days since we last contact after the chalet..

2009-06-26T12:28:00.001+08:00

Its been nine days since we last contact after my birthday chalet. Out of the blue, it suddenly remind me of the song, the ninth night by coco lee. I find this song very meaning and also very touching. I love the music video the most cos i find it very sad. Sometimes, I will even imagine myself in her shoe. If is in the past, i will cry once i watch this video. But now, still will cry cos i simply just love it too much. I cant resist the temptation. Any shows, songs, movies or even drama that is sad, I will surely cry like nobody business. I know im a very emotional and sentimental girl. Hahaha.. Kinda weird right? I also dunno which era am i from. Anyway, i just came back home after meeting fiona. We went to a function which was pretty grand. I was surprised when i reach there. We saw lots of people there. It start at about 7.30pm and ended about 10pm plus. From this event, I actually learn something. Indeed true enough that, dreams do come true. It depends on how you see and do it. Im really very impressed by the speaker. After the event, we went to eat at shenton way de lao pa sha. I din really eat cos i had my dinner at home before leaving the house earlier on and im not hungry too. Haha.. Cant wait till next wednesday. I have been waiting for very long before i can go again. I just simply cant wait for it. I feel tat the old me is back again. Hahaha.. :)

im so tired..

2009-06-25T19:13:00.000+08:00

OMG!! Im so tired today. My whole body aching non stop since i came back home from my parents home. I went back home to clean up the house in the morning before I went back to school. Lucky i was fast. I manage to clean up all the necessary housework. I have never encounter such problems before when im doing the house chores. Maybe is too long i have not been cleaning up i guess. Hahaha.. I dunno why I just love being a housewife. Stupid right? Haha.. That's what my sis said to me. Its stupid being a housewife. Maybe is true i dunno. Different people have different mindset. For me, best is perfect. I always try to manage my time well so that i have enought time for me to do those things i love to do and also been wanting to try new things too. Haha.. For now, i want a good massage to let me relax. How i wish there is someone willing to give me one. But i know there is no free lunch in this world so I can forget about that thought. Very fast, tomorrow is friday. Really can't wait for school to start. Im just too eager. Hahaha.. :) I wanna watch transformers 2 but who can i find? Im still figuring it out. Haix..

Today, went back to school for the hong kong briefing

2009-06-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

Today, Era, Jia wei and I went back to school to attend the hong kong briefing. It lasted nearly two hours and start at 2pm. Era and I reach school quite early. We both brought our laptops to school as we decided to go airport to surf the net @ mac there. Eventually, we went there. While on the way there, I was listening to era's songs. There is one of the song which i heard i thought of going clubbing. Its been nearly a year I have not been going there. I really miss going there. How i wish i can go there again before school starts. Cool ya? haha.. But i dunno who will wanna go with me sia? Nvm.. I will figure it out soon.. Hahaha.. Once we reach mac @ airport and also grab some ice-cream was around 5pm. Time pass really fast. How i wish can faster start school i feel very bored at home nowadays. haha.. No matter how i make myself busy, the time still pass very slowly. I just feel sick at times. Hopefully, upcoming days will be very pack. I love being pack with business so that i dun have the time to think about other things. I want to numb myself with work, school and also voluntary work. I cant take it anymore.

Contiune... haha..

2009-06-24T21:11:00.001+08:00

Continue from just now.. haha..

Three of us.

Hmm, when was this photo taken?

Li mei and I

Haha.. Queen of craps. :)

Agatha and I after 5 years of meet up.

Finally.. Haha..

haha.. here comes my birthday photos. :)

2009-06-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

Haha.. After a long wait.... Here comes my birthday photo.

There is still more to come.. :)

Poor david. :(

Poor me. :(

Not Again?

Enough Kevin.

Cutting the cake.

I dunno how to cake so i anyhow cake one. haha..

Hmm..

Class photos. haha..

Sabor time. Lucky, not my key cake. haha..

Eh, forgot le. haha..

Making a wish. :)

Singing birthday songs.

Surprise cake by chole and cliques. :)

Photos of presents received for my 21st bdae. haha..

2009-06-23T17:43:00.000+08:00

Photos of presents received for my 21st birhday. Haha..

Haix, worst and also most pathetic gift among all. Haha..
Given by Ryan and cliques.

Given by Corene, Bao Zhen and Cindy.

Given by Melvin and cliques.

Forgot given by who le. Haha.

Care bear and the key necklace given by ys. Ur still the best.
At least, u know my heart. Hahaha.. See ya soon.

Nice Necklace. Given by chloe and cliques.
Thanks and much appreciated.

Necklace given by mama. I love it. Thanks. :)

Given by pinky and cliques. :)

Wow.. Its been so long since i last update this blog..

2009-06-20T10:58:00.000+08:00

Haha.. Its been so long since i last update this blog. Yesterday, i was celebrating my bdae with my friends and classmates at costa sands downtown east. It was really crazy. Especially, when my friends went to buy a surprise cake. I knew what will happen when there is a cake going on that was why I dun wan to have a cake at all. Haha.. But nvm at least i managed to drag two of my friends to so called "die with me". Hahahahahaha.. It happen after when my friends sang the bdae song to me in different version. After they are done, i blow out the candle. Supposingly, i took off the candle using one of my hand but one of my friend say i have to took them off using my mouth. I say: HUH?? My jaw drop. Den they purposely push the candle all the way into the cake. I slowly bend my head down to take off the candle using my mounth. To my surprise, my friend push my head down towards the cake. Lucky, i was fast enough although my face have some cake on it. But unfortunately, two of my classmates kenna from me. One wearing black shirt n other wearing white shirt. The black shirt one is alright cos jus only for a while where as i was more sorry to the white one instead. Cos one of my friend carry me up from my back n other want to smash the cake on my face den i drag the white shirt very tightly n scream like noboby business. Very bad rite? Hahaha.. Anyway, it was indeed fun n i enjoy it too. Hope my friends n classmates enjoy it too. Haha.. After all, this bdae is worth a memorable one. :) I also wanna credit thanks to all my friends who really make an effort in coming down for my bdae yesterday. Specially thanks to li mei for the surprise, cakes by chloe and cliques, photos by pinky and sabortage by kevin. Once again, thanks and much appreciated for everything and also the presents too. I love it very much. Will update the photos if have too.. Hahaha..

I went to see Fahremheit on the 29 March 2009!

2009-03-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

OMG!!! I don't believe that I queued overnight for my Fahrenheit on Saturday, 28 March 2009. I reached IMM at about10.30pm. It was so unbelieveable man!!! This is the first time i ever queued for them de. I was so lonely that night. I thought that I will be waiting alone for them until the next morning my friends come and find me. But, I think Ican consider myself lucky because I manage to make some of the friends there and we had so much fun. Got two was my junior from the same secondary as me. Surprised right? Hahahaha... I was surprised too. We were happily chit chatting here and there. Totally, forget about the time le. I thought that by doing so, the time will pass even faster. It ended up even slow lo. I am so sad. But this is not the worse one. The worse one is, we have shifted twice of our place. The first one was, the area that we sat earlier on had lots of big red ants. We did not noticed it until...they crawled onto our body. It was so grosh and disgusting. They keep crawlling here and there onto our body and made us feel so uncomfortable with it. We can't stand it anymore that is why we thought of changing the place where wesat to a better place in front. Initially, we were all fine. We were very happy and satisfied with the sits changed. Not long later, they open the packet of chips and manage to eat finish it. Some orderd mac to eat and some openthe box of muffins to eat but never closed the box tightly which attracts a bigger group of ants that attack us again. That whole night there, we were busy getting rid of the irritating big red ants. We never have peace during that whole night there. After clearing up the whole mess there, we shifted the place again. But this time round, indeed a much much more better place. But still... haix.. I totally got no words to describe it. Everything was all in nice order. I just don't know why there are so many people out there that like to cut people's queue. After cutting, they push those in the queue doen to the floor and run or even pretend that nothing happen at all lo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I really damn hate this knd of people lo!!!!!!!!! So inconsiderate and selfish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Since they wanted the signature so badly, why can't they queued overnight instead of pushing people here and there without saying a single sorry. And also those people queuing in front likes to take their stupid board waving here and there in order to block people's view from the back to see things from stage. Especially, those small size girl like me. I felt very very hurtful. Does it mean that being small is a crime? Being small can be discriminate by others and letting them to bully as and when they like is it? They should be feeling ashamed by themself for living in such a world.

Taiwan was fun!

2009-03-18T14:17:00.000+08:00

I just came back from taiwan yesterday. I enjoy myself very much there. It was fun and I love the weather there. I will go back there again with my sister end of the year de. Hehe... But the sad thing is one of my nails crack. It was damn pain and almost bleed. Haix.. We stay around xi men ding area and spend 4 days 3 nights there. Although the trip was short, but indeed is worth going there. Hahaha... Hope my birthday this year will be able tospend it there too.. Of course, best is with my idols. That was my dream since young. But, it had never came true. At there, we went to shop around the whole ximending and watch movie there at around midnight and it was 11 degrees. We were very cold and also very shiok on the first day. On the second day, we went to see the two pandas in the zoo. They were very big and cubby. I taken quite a few pictures of the two pandas and the koala bear. They were the 1st animal I ever seen in real in overseas. Next, we went to the miramar to eat and rest at TGI Fridays. We were relaxing and listening to the music as well as chit chatting lo... Hehe.. Next, we proceed to the 5 floor to take the ferris wheel. But before that, we went into the teddy world to play the games there and won a donald duck back. It was cute and small. The sunset very early and the sky turns dark at 6pm onwards. The ferris wheel was moving abit fast when going up, slow at the corner, and went fast again when coming down. Next, we went to the shihlin night market. It was very crowded and lively too. We went to eat alot of things there. I love the XXL crispy chicken. It was totally different from Singapore de. The night market there was very big. We walk only one third of the place and went back to the hotel as it was getting late le. On the third day, we went to have beitou to have hot spring. OMG!!! It was damn shiok lo.. I loved it the most!! HEHE... After that, we went to taipei 101. We went to eat and shop around there before going up to the taipei 101. The lift there was totally different. Inside the lift, able to see stars at the lift top. I also got take picture of that too... Inside the 101, get to see the whole of taipei senery. It was damn nice and beautiful too. It was more cooling at the rooftop and see things more clearly too.. Hahaha... Next, we went down to the market place inside the taipei 101 building. We buy some wine, tibits and poker to play before we sleep. As the next day, was our last day. We check out the hotel at about 12 plus and went to have our lunch. After eating,we went to carefour to buy some instant noodles back before departing taipei. After a long plane trip, we arrived back to Singapopre. It was so good to be back home.

Yogs's concert last friday

2009-02-22T22:22:00.000+08:00

I enjoyed myself very much last friday night at the yoga's concert in singapore indoor stadium on 20 February 09. Thanks to my sister for buying the tickets for me.... Hehehehe... But it started very late. Instead of starting at 8pm it started at 8.30pm. We arrived there at about 7.15pm. Initially, we thought that there will be alot of people turning up. But to our surprise, it was not. We went in to sit at 7.30pm. It was damned early as we have nothing to. My sis keep asking me to take picture with her but i dun wan. So she take it when i wasnt aware of it. I was bored until i play with my handphone games until low batt le. Haix.. But it was really very nice. It is really a pity that I missed my fahrenheit concert de. Really damned regret lo.. Sob sob sob sob sob sob... Hope that i am still able to go for the other country de. Hehehe... Anyway, back to the concert, the ending was very troublesome. Keep having so many encore de.

Heart break totally.

2009-02-15T01:28:00.000+08:00

Today, I am very sad. Totally heart break. I keep cutting myself non-stop. I went to those places where we went in the past. It used to be two person together but now only left one. I realised we are really over now. I take a stroll at sentosa but notice got alot of people so i decided to wait for her at skypark till ten. But to my surprise, she was with another gal. I saw it with my own eyes. I breakdown totally. I keep crying and crying non-stop like a tap water. I feel that i am very useless. From skypark cry till the riverside outside vivo city. Alot of couples and people keep looking at me. At that point of time, i did wanted to jump down the river and die. But i did not. I carry on crying even when i got into the bus. I thought of not coming back the whole night. Tomorrow morning den come home but i got no place to go. In the past, i still got her house to go if i dun wan to go home. I admit i was straight in the past before i know her. But after we get along, i dunno where am i still straight cos i really love her alot. This had never happen before although i had been to gal school for ten years. So i decided to test it out on one of my guy friend. In fact, towards all my guy friends i have NO FEELINGS at all. Sometimes, we do chat on the phone and sms here and there but that does not mean anything. Its NOT FLIRTING at all. I dunno why all of the sudden i will love her or maybe rather i am really a lesbian ba. I took a very big courage to write this out cos i know she will read my blog. I know she is afraid that i will treat her like her ex gf treat her. She got phobia. Last time, i once promised her that it will never happen again. Last time never, now never and future will not happen as well. This is the promise i gave her. I know i have hurt her. I know she have lose faith in me already. But never mind. I am willing to wait for her no matter how long she needs to take. Cos she is the only person i love and also wanted to spend my whole life with.

I had no feeling at all.

2009-02-14T10:59:00.000+08:00

Last nite, i cut myself with penknife. I know is stupid. But i had no feelings at all. After cutting one is like that so i carry on cutting more. In the past, i will just cut only one which is the max. But, yesterday i had over cut the max le. When done, i take my medicine to sleep. I saw alot of genis around me. I was so scared. I could not sleep. My dog tinks that im crazy so she totally ignore me n carry on sleeping.

I got my sleeping pills le.

2009-02-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

At last, i manage to get my sleeping pills le. Now can have a peaceful sleep le but was being refered to a psychiatrist for more treatment. Haix, damn expensive lo just the consultation only already 90 plus. Dunno whether will the doctor give me any medication or not. Hopefully have cos i want to forget about the past and carry on with my life. Best also give me hypnosis. If can, i will be very happy and also able to get back to a normal life. Be a normal girl. Luckily, the treatment is before my trip to taiwan. But i dun dare to tell my family members. Especially, ah ma. She worried about me the most. Plus, if i tell her that the trip i will be going alone, she confirm will scold me de. So, i decided to keep it from them until i am back sound and safe den i will tell them personally. As for the treatment, i tot of going alone but at the same time i also very scared lo. Dunno whether wan to find any people to go with me a not lo.

What a bad day I had today.

2009-02-11T22:14:00.000+08:00

Haix, I cant sleep throughout the whole night yesterday and had not been eating for serveral days le. Surprising that i can survive rite? But tummy seems to be not well. Now i need to listen songs to fall asleep every night or rather sometimes will cry till my eyes are tired then will fall asleep unknowingly. Everytime i get out of bed or trying to stand up when I am sitting down on the sofa, my eyes will be blur and head will be dizzy and painful at times too. I dunno wat causes this but somehow or rather got to do with i never eat ba. Still got three more days to Valentine's Day. Last year, it was my 1st time to spend such a wonderful valentine's day together with her and i guess will be the last one too. This year, looks like I will be spending at home instead or maybe shall go on cruise alone to have fun? I dunno. Cruise seems to be fun. I had always wanted to go on cruise. Probably after my trip to taiwan ba. Haix, today i got a scolding from my younger sister. Late evening, we both went to IMM to shop for her stuff. We took the wrong bus. I mistaken 185 as 105. It was the 1st time i made such a stupid mistake and kanna scolding from her in the bus stop. It was so embarrassing.

Days without you.

2009-02-10T22:52:00.000+08:00

It has been so peaceful for quite sometime. Even until now, I still can't get used to it. In the past, I am so used to having you by my side until i have totally rely on you. I have not been eating for two days and also not feeling hungry at all. If it is in the past, I will keep searching for food high and low even will secretly buy alot of tibits and crackers to keep. Also will keep asking ah ma to cook for me to eat. But now, ah ma ask me to eat and i will always say no to her. I dunno why I will become like that. Luckily, I still have my precious daughter, diamond, beside me to sleep with me. Otherwise, I dunno what will happen. Got once, I cried very badly in my room in the middle of the night.Everyone heard it including my sleeping sister. Ah ma keeps wanting to open my room door but I quickly stopped her from doing it. I know they are concern about me but I am really fine. Just not like last time anymore. Maybe I am really an immortal who dun need to eat and sleep but i just dun have any special powers. If I have, den that will be great. Even my memories are falling too. This morning, I went to throw away the rubbish. I saw diamond's food packing but after a while I totally forget what it looks like and also what is the name of the brand. Maybe I should change to a easier brand for me to remember ba. Well at least, I have fulfil the promise I made to you last nite. I will leave you forever and will not disturb you at all either. Even my number has been change as well. There is a quote: Never ever ask boyfriend to buy a shoe for girlfriend as it will send her away. Its true. Better be safe den regret!

2009-02-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

What a day. Since last night til now, I have been crying non stop. My eyes are getting more and more tired and swollen as well. I know i should let u go. But it is hard for me to do so as i really love you very much. I had never loved anyone that deep before. You are the only one and i supposed will be the last one as well. I know i made a very big mistake. But i sincerely hope that you can forgive me. I am really very very very very very sorry. One thousand sorries. I really mean it. Hope that you can give me another chance. If there is still a chance, I really hope to see you at the airport on the 14th March at 10.30 in the morning. I really hope that you can go taiwan with me as this is also my dream. I will wait for you to turn up. If not, i will go on my own. From last night and today one whole day, I had not eaten anything yet. I have no appetitte to eat at all. Even ah ma cook my favourite food also no use. It cant help at all. My sis tempt me with her favourite shihlin XXL crispy chicken also have no help. I was surprise by myself too cos that was also my favourite food. Maybe i have already reached to the level of not eating also can survive.

My upcoming trip to taiwan.

2009-02-08T23:17:00.000+08:00

I know this upcoming march, I am supposed to go to taiwan with my sister. This is plan underground without my parents and grandma consent. But as she know we have already proceed with this plan den she told me off. I know she is worried about our safety there. But me, being as a elder sister, did do my part by telling her to tell parents before we proceed. My sis tells me dun need. Just as I have already made payment for the trip, she tells me that she was very worried about our safety and wanted to join us too. I was happy to hear it although i know she did not mean it. Because during march she have to go hong kong with her family members as well. Initially, i thought she was kidding with me because we had never been overseas together before. Not even once. Although, deep inside my heart i do hope that one day we can go overseas together. Which i know these days will not come true anymore le. Who knows just when i wake up the next day, she secretly kept the money in my bag and msg me says: Dear, remember to help me book the ticket later as well k? I was surprised by her act and also very happy because i know she never lie to me. Although she have been neglecting me due to her work. I know she wants to make up to me. But she just dun trust me. I dunno what to do. Now my sis due to her school camp thing, my parents and grandma found out about the trip and scolded us very badly. We both cried very badly and eyes swollen as well. I did ask her whether is she still going to the taiwan trip? She says no. Den i have no choice but to ask one of my friend who she also knows de and also dislike him very much. He is tommy. I have no choice. I have ask all my friends and yet none of them can be able o make it except him. And besides he also agrees to go with me. Is you who dun wan to go with me de. Although, deep inside my heart how i wish the one who is going with me is you. I never regret loving you at all even till now.

My decision.

2009-02-08T01:08:00.000+08:00

All because of u thats why today i will ended up like this. I feel that i am no longer a human more to a zombie.My insomia has been from bad to worse. But now, i think it has worsen the condition le n i am sick too. I hate myself for loving u too muchuntill i cant let u go. I dunno wat to do now. My life is all in a mess. The more i wanted to let u go, the more i cant.I feel that i am really very useless. Happiness cant be forever de. I believe true love doeant exsits in this world.

Hooray, i am able to get into the course i wanted.

2009-02-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

At last, i am able to get into the course i wanted very much. I have been waiting for this chance very long le. Haha..I am starting school in april and i am going to taiwan in march. I am very excited man.. Hehe.. Really cant believe it man..Haha.. Of cos i am going with my sister lo.. Haha.. We have been planning this trip for quite sometime le. Now,its finally here le. woohooo... Very excited man.. Hehe.. Sometimes too excited until i cant even slp in the night lo..Haha.. Looking very forward to it de.

Finally, it has ended.

2009-02-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

Finally, it had all come to an end le. Initially, I should have hate you for dumping me aside, neglecting me, controlling my life,
no freedom n space, cant go out with my friends at all! Watever i do, need to get ur permissions. I feel like i am in jail. This is
not even like a life. My parents did not even do this to me. Who are u to do this to me? I am not a puppet to u!
U like u come dun like u go away. I hate this kind of me!!!!! but still lifes still need to go on. I cant possibly
cos of u, dun go on with my life. From the day u left, i have tot over it carefully. I wan to start a fresh with a brand
new life without u. Anyway, having u or without u in my life is no longer impt le. Loving u or not, its no longer matter either.
As long as i am able to take and let go of u nothing else matters. I admit that i never deny that i no longer love
u. Is just that we are both tired. We both need to take a rest. This journey has ended. I am sorry that i cant walk
with u any further. Hope u can find someone who is able to walk finish with u till the finishing line.

I am out of love!!!

2009-01-31T03:41:00.000+08:00

haix, we are together for one yr plus n yet there is no trust. Until now i still could not believe that she actually did that.
I am very disappointed in her. She take my phone and went into the toilet to msg one of my guy friend while i was sleeping.
I know that when she was away for CNY those days, i was chatting on the phone with my friend. Is there anything wrong with chatting
on phone with friend ma? If she trust me, she would not need to check my phone everyday and i also do not need to tell white lies.
Which i hate it the most!!! Why is it that in a relationship is so hard to have trust in? Just cos of ur ex hurt u b4 hence u have totally lost trust?
If thats the case, den why did u get started with me in the first place? I really dun understand lo.
Anyway, since over the pass one yr there are too many things happen n we still cant trust each other i see no point being together.
Its just waste of time. I have decided. Ever since from the moment u have requested the break up, i will not want to get back with u again anymore.
I cant take it anymore le. I tink u too ba. Shall end it here den.

Its the first day of CNY.

2009-01-26T14:34:00.000+08:00

Today is the first day of chinese new year. I know i should feel happy de but I am not happy at all. The feeling is like i have just lost someone important in my life. Its really very adnormal. I have never had such feeling before in my life. Feel like going out to but there is no where to go. I really miss the person very much and badly too. I feel very lost and meseriable too. I know that she had gone back to jb. I wanted to talk to her very badly but the cost of calling overseas is very expensive. I just dun understand why cant she sees my intendtion de... Haix, I felt that im badly hurt now.