I swear Im gonna quitting club after this year. Just hope that this year can faster end cos I wanna start afresh for a new year. This year have not been going very smoothly for me. I just simply hate this year. A better new year. A better new start. That is what I wish for now. Gonna stay home for the rest of the days till the year end. Im gonna be back to be a good little girl and look after my beloved. Haha.. She have been complaining non stop to me le. Really very sorry for neglecting you, my darling girl. Tomorrow shall bath you so that you can smell nice and also sleep well too.
12:36 AM
Sunday, December 20, 2009
I could not sleep well last night is because I made someone angry with me which I dun even mean it at all. I know yesterday was my fault cos in the 1st place is I say I wanna go home de but I din expected to see linda there so I stayed till a while more without telling him. That's why he is angry with me is understandable. He can angry with me, scold me or even bite me but just dun ignore me and leave me. I really dun wanna lose him cos he meant alot to me although is he just a part time boyfriend but still is boyfriend. To me, boyfriend is boyfriend. There is no such things as part time or full time de. But cos of him, I am more willingly to let go of the person that im suffering for den anyone else. Somehow, I just have the sudden urge to do it again when I was stoning alone in front of the com earlier on. Should I or not? Maybe I should den the feelings wont be making me so terrible and anyhow think also. Everytime after doing it, I will feel much better den anyone else but I cant let my sis saw it this time round. If not, her nagging goes again.. Haix.. Im just so vexed about everything around me..
8:58 AM
Thursday, December 10, 2009
You are making me more miserable in my life. I have decided to let you go and I mean it. Well, at least this is a good start that I have stop giving you love and wink. I have to move on with my life without you. I know where I stand totally. Yesterday was a great day man! I love it although they all say I am drunk but in fact I am not drunk at all. I am still very sober. Once again, they just fail to make me drunk. Hahahahahahahahaha! Looks like no one can really make me drunk! The more I want to drunk the more I drink but end up the more I drink the more sober I am. I dunno why. Maybe there is a saying goes: the more you want to drink to get drunk, the more sober you are when you drink. Haha.. Looks like is true to me. I still have 5 more hours to go before I head off to bed for work tomorrow morning. Shall end here den.
5:29 PM
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I have a very sweet daughter. Although, she likes to do things which I dun like sometimes to make me angry just to get my attention. Just like me toatlly alike. I know she din do it on purpose because I know its my fault for neglecting her. She never blames me for neglecting her but instead she is very sensible. When she know when I am sad or angry, she will come and console me. Either she will sit on my lap to watch tv with me or pass me her kongs to play fetch with her. Whenever I sees her, she just melt my heart just like the first time I sees her too. She loves to be with me at all times and also sleeps with me. Without her in my life, I dunno what will my life becomes. Im gonna love her forever with my life. Darling, mummy love you. Miss hugging you like a baby although you are no longer a baby le. I will manage my time properly in order to make you feel more secure. I promise.
11:36 PM
There are lots of things happen recently. I know I should face it but instead of running it away from it but sometimes things are just uncontrollable. U can dun love me but you cant stop me from loving you. I know there wont be any outcome between us but still I am havesting that small little thoughts from it. I dun request anything from you but I really hope that you will leave me out from ur life because you have already become a part of me in my life. There are always urge for me to know your everything although I know you dun like people to control you but I dun see that is a control. Is just simply showering you with my love, care and also concern about you. I dun wan you to feel being left out by me neither do I want to feel the same too. But if one day, you really happen to found someone you really love very much and also can do better den me, must inform me right away. I will let you go no matter what because I dun wanna live in ur shadow anymore if that day really happens to come. I know I need to be strong when that day is here but I doubt so I can do it..
3:12 PM
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Nowadays, I am back to the young me when I was very small. A meal a day is more den enough for me to have my daily needs. If there are more, its a bonus. It feels like I am being tortured or abused for not having proper meals and also very small in size. In fact, its not. I just dun like to eat which me myself also dunno why. I used to take hours to eat finish a meal even when others finish I am still eating. They all think that I am on diet but actually I am not although I want to be on diet too.. Haha.. I know like that is not good but what can I do? I am so used to it and also dun wish to have any changes too. OH MY GOD!! I cant wait till tomorrow night le cos I am watching twilight saga the new moon with my sister!! Tickets had already book but there are lots of other movies I wanted to watch too but I need to save up for Xmas and also new year so have to budget a bit le. I am now trying to slowly let go of things one by one so that when a new year is here I can start all afreash. Shall stop here den.
6:17 PM
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Oh no!! I am damn nervous now for my tomorrow interview in the afternoon. I know this is not my first time interview but when I see the questions that they are going to ask me tomorrow I will surely get nervous de.. Hopefully, tomorrow God will help me and bless me too.. I really hope that I can get in for that job successfully. Hopefully, nothing goes wrong tomorrow and also wish me good luck for the interview too.. I shall preserve my energy for tomorrow and also should rest early too although I am very nervous now.. Shall stop here den. Good Luck to me for tomorrow interview once again. May God bless me too.. :)
10:16 PM
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